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America Declares War of ZZ Top This whole “Search for Osama bin Laden” thing is beginning to get ridiculous. Whose idea was it to poke through every pigsty in Afghanistan looking for a guy with $300 million? Yo, dudes, let me give you a little clue. You’re looking for a RICH GUY from SAUDI ARABIA! And, what makes anyone think that he still looks like a candidate for a flea-collar ad? We’ve got a thousand Marines running around Afghanistan with pictures that look like they were taken at a ZZ Top concert, when anyone with enough brain cells to feed themselves and tie their own shoes knows that he would have radically changed his appearance by now. I mean, if you were Osama bin Laden, and you had the entire American military looking for you, would you keep that sort of deranged homeless derelict look you’re so famous for? Think about it! Considering, he wasn’t enough of a “true believer” to sacrifice his own life in the September 11th attack against the “Godless Infidels” (or whatever they’re calling us these days), you know darn well he doesn’t have any religious principles when it comes to his appearance? Osama is so wet pants scared of us, what we should be on the lookout for is a relatively sane looking, clean-shaven individual who baths regularly (a radical departure from his normal persona). Note: When contacted for comment, the Director of the Central Intelligence Agency responded with a memo on official agency letterhead stating that the CIA does not, in fact, exist, and that he is actually a ten year old girl from Vermont. |